Sparkles and Crumbs

In London, the weather would affect me negatively. I react strongly to light...

2012-01-30T05:11:00.000-08:00

...If it is cloudy and raining, there are clouds and rain in my soul.

-Jerzy Kosinski

How true this is! Sometimes, there really is nothing more depressing than a cold, grey January in England. The chill deep in your bones that makes you shiver even under your thick layers every time you step outside... the constant grey drizzle... the utter blankness of the sky... the way it gets dark at 4pm. Ugh! I'm like a sunflower, my sweets - I miss the sunshine so much. I need some warmth on my skin again.

What I wouldn't give to be somewhere like this right now...

I long to dip my feet into a warm ocean, as gloriously blue as the sky above...

...Take a dip with the turtles and a shower from an elephant's trunk...

...Recline on a lounger or a lilo, bobbing on the gentlest of waves, reading my favourite works of fiction...

...Languish in a luxurious bath on a bright July morning...

...and perhaps visit a little cafe on Santorini for a mid-morning cocktail...

*Sigh!* Wouldn't that just be heaven?

My longings are even more frustrated by my friends, currently surfing on the beach and living in a gorgeous bowered garden in Taghazout...

...or swinging off ropes into waterfalls in Thailand, a la Swiss Family Robinson...

Since I cannot join them, I've been lulling myself to sleep with these gorgeous visualisations: a paradise island massage on the beach, or a tropical relaxation, are particularly summer-y!

"I wish we could spend July by the sea, browning ourselves and feeling water-weighted hair flow behind us from a dive. I wish our gravest concerns were the summer gnats. I wish we were hungry for hot dogs and dopes, and it would be nice to smell the starch of summer linens and the faint odour of talc in blistering summer bath houses… We could lie in long citoneuse beams of the five o’clock sun on the plage at Juan-Les-Pins and hear the sound of the drum and piano being scooped out to sea be the waves."

-Zelda Fitzgerald

Love, sunhats and freckles xxx

What we want is never simple. We move among the things we thought we wanted...

2012-01-24T03:54:00.001-08:00

...a face, a room, an open book
and these things bear our names -
now they want us.
But what we want appears
in dreams, wearing disguises.
We fall past,
holding out our arms
and in the morning
our arms ache...

-Linda Pastan

Just saw this movie at a free preview, and it was spectacular. An utterly modern love story that was so strikingly true-to-life and natural, it frightened me. It broke my heart - but in a beautiful way, with a very Before Sunset-ish open ending...

"There is a question I have been wanting to understand the answer to, but have been feeling that I simply can’t ask. Eventually I just ask it anyway:

'Do you think there was a part of you that imagined the two of you would somehow end up together?'

Immediately, I wish that I hadn’t. The look on her face - a kind of juddering visceral alarm at what has been said… I don’t wish to see that look many more times in my life. 'That would make me way too sad to answer,” she says quickly, and I hurriedly begin another question, about something completely different, hoping that if I say it fast enough these new words will chase the old words away from where they are hanging in the air between us, and maybe she will let me pretend that it was something I never said.

'No, no,' she says, and I can see the tears forming, and I think she means that she doesn’t want to answer any more questions about anything. I mutter some kind of apology under my breath.

But, even now, I’m wrong about everything. Mostly she is just trying to stop my new question. She has something to tell me.

'No,' she says. 'I said it would make me too sad to answer but it’s also…' - and she nods even as her voice breaks once more with tears - '…one of my favorite things to imagine.' And through the tears, a beaming, almost beatific smile stretches room-wide across her face. 'It’s actually one of my favorite places to visit.'

-Michelle Williams, about Heath Ledger

Really, really want to see this, too...

Love, daisy chains and wedding dresses xxx

PS. New post [on forever blowing bubbles!] is up on Wedding Design Anarchy - I love you more than I can say for all of your kind comments, which the bosses have noticed!!

If you ever have children, tell them they must always be drunk...

2012-01-23T03:19:00.000-08:00

"...Drunk on love, drunk on poetry, drunk on wine, it doesn’t matter. This world is too goddamn painful to waste a second of your existence sober."

-Ben Hale

"I'm still here, chief!"

Please accept my sincere apologies for my absence of late. Life has been chock-a-block full these days - reading up on why the Virgin Mary is comparable to contemporary porn stars [to do with the evacuation of humanity and objectification by the male subject, apparently...!], baking cakes with The Boy, doing a LOT of yoga, and dancing the night away in my down time!

But I am taking a break from thesis reading for a breakfast Buck's Fizz [well, it's a shame not to waste the remainder of last night's cava...!] and a toast to a life of Sparkles & Crumbs! What makes such a life? Small pleasures every day in the short term, and grand hopes for the future!

Yesterday I attempted to bake The Boy some cupcakes, but I forgot to get any cupcake cases, so each one ended up having a very wide, crispy top layer... I chopped them up and turned them into little cake/biscuit bombs, slathered in pink icing, but they still weren't exactly a work of art...

In a funny way, my little CB-bombs perfectly embody ME! A mess of a daydream, bursting with enthusiasm, with extra icing right at the centre! And, yes, they are certainly quite a sight scruffier than an amazing creation by, say, Amanda Cupcake [IF ONLY I could bake like this!!] - but they still tasted pretty sweet! And they are certainly unique!!

Which dessert perfectly epitomises YOU, beloved??

Love, Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry and waffles xxx

PS. My latest post for Wedding Design Anarchy is up - this time, paper wedding dresses!

Though I often looked for one, I finally had to admit that there could be no cure for Paris

2012-01-20T04:50:00.000-08:00

Bonjour, my beloved rose macaroons!

First of all, a GINORMOUS 'MERCI' and a big kiss for all your kind comments and support for my first posts as an 'official' wedding writer! I do hope you'll keep reading, because it truly is a Sparkles & Crumbs kind of site. Chic Weddings' philosophy is: "Never forget who you are and what you love" - go crazy and be creative, glamorous and extravagant! Well, thought I, I can certainly get behind that!

Now, to show my gratitude, I just had to share this with all my UK-based readers:

3 nights in Paris - including a Eurostar return journey - for £129!

What a deal!

But make haste, my darlings - the offer ends in 4 days!

The Boy has refused to take three days off for a romantic getaway during term-time, so I shall continue to daydream in vain of the bright lights of gay Paree... *sigh!*

One day we're gonna live
In Paris
I promise
I'm on it

When I'm bringing in the money
I promise
I'm on it

I'm gonna take you out to Club Showcase
We're gonna live it up
I promise

Just hold on a little more

And every night we'll watch the stars
They'll be out for us
They'll be out for us

And every night, the city lights

They'll be out for us

One day
We're gonna live in Paris

I promise

I'm on it

I'll find you that French boy,
You'll find me that French girl
I promise
I'm on it

So go and pack your bags
For the long haul
We're gonna lose ourselves

I promise

This time next year will be forevermore

And every night we'll watch the stars
They'll be out for us
They'll be out for us
And every night, the city lights
They'll be out for us
They'll be out for us

Go live your Parisian adventure, ma cherie - and tell us all about it!

Love, the Left Bank and Laduree xxx

You are lucky to be one of those people who wishes to build sand castles with words...

2012-01-14T14:18:00.000-08:00

...Who is willing to create a place where your imagination can wander. We build this place with the sand of memories; these castles are our memories and inventiveness made tangible. So part of us believes that when the tide starts coming in, we won't really have lost anything, because actually only a symbol of it was there in the sand. Another part of us thinks we'll figure out a way to divert the ocean. This is what separates artists from ordinary people: the belief, deep in our hearts, that if we build our castles well enough, somehow the ocean won't wash them away. I think this is a wonderful kind of person to be.

-Anne Lamott

So here it is, my sweethearts - the big reveal!

I have just published my first official post as an intern for Chic Weddings In Italy, a creative and molto classy wedding company run by the divine Eva and Clara!

Please send me some sparkles & crumbs good will and leave a kind comment on my Fortnum & Mason musings - consider it your good deed for the day!

Love, beauty spots and kisses to you all! xxx

Edit: My second post - on carousels and the magic of merry-go-rounds - is up now, too!

Too much of anything is bad, but too much champagne is just right

2012-01-12T12:58:00.000-08:00

HAPPY CHAMPAGNE THURSDAY, my treasures!

Why not pop open a bottle of fizz, and celebrate the sheer joy of being young and alive?

I had a FABULOUS treat day in London with mia madre yesterday, playing at being Uptown Girls! We wandered, awestruck, through the Da Vinci exhibition at the National Gallery... picked out some truly sumptuous lingerie from the Fortnum & Mason's sale... and, best of all, splashed out in the Rivoli Bar at The Ritz!

Oh. My. Greg. Peck. The 'Ritz 100' was the most scrumptious cocktail I have ever tasted!! Champagne, vodka, peach liqueur, Grand Marnier, and... best of all... flecks of 24 carat gold! It's the classiest I've ever felt!!

And not just because of the deliciousness of our drinks... The Rivoli Bar is a haven of old-fashioned gentility and style. The spotlessly tuxedo-d waiters attended charmingly to our every whim... Everyone sat amongst the gold mirrors and ice buckets of champagne in their Sunday best... At Fortnum & Mason's, when the confectionery counter had run out of marzipan strawberries, the assistant darted over to the truffles and brought us back some complimentary strawberry chocolates as an apology!

Heart-sinkingly unaffordable as it is, that's what I love about the old money haunts of the big city... The reminder that class isn't snobbery or splashing the cash - it is elegance, grace, good manners. And that bit of the lifestyle, at least, is free!

"My advice is to go ahead and wear an apron when you’re cooking dinner. Always send a handwritten thank you note on your personal stationary. Enjoy tea served from an actual tea pot. Put your cigarettes in a case. Dream. Dress up when you go out. Be polite. Believe in art and its incredible power to reach across ethnic and social boundaries to enhance our souls. Ditch the handhelds when you’re out. Listen to Mozart. Watch 'It Happened One Night.' Live elegantly.
And enjoy it while it lasts."

-White Gloves and Party Manners

Love, diamonds and gold dust xxx

I’m not sure you can have a secret and also have love, maybe that’s what I’m trying to tell her.

2012-01-10T14:15:00.000-08:00

Perhaps the most beautiful music video ever, non? Just breathtaking!

Sometimes I know I love you better

than all the others I kiss it’s funny

but it’s true and I wouldn’t roll

from one to the next so fast if you

hadn’t knocked them all down like

ninepins when you roared by my bed

I keep trying to race ahead and catch

you at the newest station or whistle

stop but you are flighty about

schedules and always soar away just

as leaning from my taxicab my breath

reaches for the back of your neck

-Frank O'Hara

Love, wills o' the wisp and moonbeams xxx

I learned at an early age that if you get dressed up, people will let you do anything.

2012-01-08T08:41:00.000-08:00

Ciao, bella!

Is this not the most BEAUTIFUL dress you have EVER seen?! Mirrors and swan feathers and pure magic!

I've always been determined that, on my [complete castle in the sky!] wedding day, I would want one dress for the whole clam-bake. But the creators of this exquisite confection suggest it as a frock for your wedding party, and I do believe I have been persuaded...

And how about these Vanity Mirror shoes to match?:-

*Sigh!* Dresses out of a daydream!

Love, mosaics and marshmallows xxx

I should ink my skin with your name...

2012-01-06T09:57:00.000-08:00

...Take my passport out again,

And just replace it.

See, I could do without a tan,
On my left hand,

Where my fourth finger meets my knuckle

And I should run you a hot bath,
Fill it up with bubbles.

'Cause maybe you're loveable,

And maybe you're my snowflake,
When your eyes turn from green to grey

In the winter, I'll hold you in a cold place

And you should never cut your hair,

'Cause I love the way you flick it off your shoulder,

And you will never know
Just how beautiful you are to me

But maybe I'm just in love
When you wake me up.

And would you ever feel guilty
If you did the same to me?

Would you make me a cup of tea,
To open my eyes in the right way?

And I know you love Shrek,
'Cause we've watched it twelve times

But maybe you're hoping for a fairy-tale too...

And I've always been shit at computer games, and your brother always beats me,

And if I lost, I'd go across, and chuck all the controllers at the TV,
And then you'd laugh at me
And be asking me, if I'm gonna be home next week

And then you'd lie with me,
Until I fall asleep,

And flutter an eyelash on my cheek
Between the sheets.

And you will never know
Just how beautiful you are to me

But maybe I'm just in love
When you wake me up

And I think you hate the smell of smoke,

You always try and get me to stop,
But you drink as much as me,
And I get drunk a lot.

So I take you to the beach,
And walk along the sand

And I'll make you a heart pendant,
With a pebble in my hand

And I'll carve it like a necklace,
So the heart falls where your chest is,

And now a piece of me, is a piece of the beach
And it falls just where it needs to be, and rests,
Peacefully,

And you just need to breathe,
To feel my heart against yours now, against yours now

But maybe I'm just in love when you wake me up,

Well, maybe I fell in love when you woke me up.

Possibly the most gorgeous love song ever written?

Love, Lush bath bombs and strawberry tea xxx

I'm walking on sunshine, and don't it feel good!

2012-01-04T08:59:00.000-08:00

Oh, 2012, you're here at last! And WHAT an auspicious start!

My Rat Pack New Year's Eve party was a rip-roaring success. I honestly cannot think of a better way to see in a fresh new year full of fun than with my favourite boys and girls, dressed up to the nines, drinking The Boy's blue champagne cocktails and amaretto sours, and dancing the night away by the Christmas tree!

What did you get up to on New Year's Eve?

The end of 2011, on the other hand, was not exactly golden. I spent all of December working as a temp PA in a central London financial firm from 9 to 5 [a la Dolly Parton!], and even though it was only for a few weeks, it made me realise that I can never, ever do a standard desk job. It's the quality of life of a tinned sardine! Squished against other people's elbows and briefcases on a packed train for an hour, with no room to even lift up one's book to read... not leaving one's desk for eight hours, even to eat or go outside... Il mio dio, how do people stand it?! All my fellow workers were welcoming and kind, but I didn't really get to speak to them much as everyone was glued to their computer screens.

Never fear, my friends, I did manage to find a spot of Sparkles & Crumbs amidst the drudgery - I made daily lunchtime pilgrimages to Bea's of Bloomsbury for a glittery Chocolate and Grand Marnier cupcake overlooking St Paul's! But it still didn't quite make up for the dull, grey rest of the day.

And can I tell you the happy ending to this tale, my tin soldier[esse]s?

I am SO GRATEFUL for every one of those dull, grey days. More than I can ever say. Because they gave me the wake-up call I needed, and made me recognise and go after what I really want.

Here's how it happened; I met an old friend for after-work drinks [admiring expensive dresses and drinking Cosmopolitans at Selfridge's!] and a good old-fashioned rant. I described how dispiriting I found this kind of work, and my despair that I would never find something different. I explained how much I had enjoyed running functions at my previous work at the cocktail bar - moving around and communicating with people - and how I felt there were so many things I loved, but no paying career I could really apply them all to.

"I like too many things and get all confused and hung-up running from one falling star to another until I drop."

-Jack Kerouac

That's when my friend snapped her fingers and announced, "WEDDING PLANNING."

And something just clicked! Sometimes, a new purpose can spring out at you from the most unexpected places and people [in this case, the most cynical person I know!]...

I went home that very evening, completely revamped my CV and fired it off to every job and internship ad in the industry I could find!

And said a very fervent prayer to Greg Peck, of course...

..And...

..I can't quite believe it!!!...

I have just landed an internship. With a chic company that plans weddings in Italy. Writing their style and inspirations blog.

The lovely ladies were apparently taken with my - ahem - enthusiasm [adding footnotes to my application saying "PS. I hope you don't mind me saying that I REALLY REALLY want this position, and I truly believe I am PERFECT for it!!"] and this very blog. Who would have thought it? Sparkles & Crumbs actually landing me the first foot on the ladder of my dream job?!

Italy. Dresses. Cake. Champagne. Romance. Writing. Everything I adore.

I am absolutely gob-smacked, and waiting for the other Louboutin to drop! But until then, grazie mille for looking out for me, Mr Peck. And I'm taking inspiration from one of my favourite heroines - Maria Von Trapp! Well, before she was a Von Trapp, and stepping out of her safety net towards a daunting new job...

"I've always longed for adventure,
To do the things I never dared,
And here I'm facing adventure,
Then why am I so scared?

...Oh, I must stop these doubts, all these worries,

If I don't I just know I'll turn back,
I must dream of the things I am seeking -
I am seeking the courage I lack...

The courage to serve them with reliance!
Face my mistakes without defiance!
Show them I'm worthy,
And while I show them,
I'll show me...

...So, let them bring on all their problems!
I'll do better than my best!
I have confidence they'll put me to the test,
But I'll make them see I have confidence in me!

...With each step I am more certain,
Everything will turn out fine,
I have confidence the world can all be mine!
They'll have to agree, I have confidence in me!

...I have confidence in sunshine!
I have confidence in rain,
I have confidence that spring will come again!
Besides which you see I have confidence in me!

Strength doesn't lie in numbers,

Strength doesn't lie in wealth,
Strength lies in nights of peaceful slumbers,
When you wake up - WAKE UP!

...It tells me all I trust I lead my heart to,
All I trust becomes my own,
I have confidence in confidence alone...
Besides which you see I have confidence in me!"

"What you are in love with, what seizes your imagination will affect everything. It will decide what will get you out of bed in the mornings, what you will do with your evenings, how you spend your weekends, what you read, who you know, what breaks your heart, and what amazes you with joy and gratitude. Fall in love, stay in love, and it will decide everything.!

-Pedro Arrupe

Truer words were never spoken - and this is the year to act on them, darlings! It's a Diamond Jubilee year, after all! [Isn't that just a wonderful word?!] Make like Maria, and "follow every rainbow, 'til you find your dream!" A distinct lack of rainbows? Whipsawed by confusion? The lovely Miss Franzen, and the [recently - congratulations!!] Mrs Darling have some spectacular soul-searching prompts to get you unstuck and started.

That is what I wish for you in this Diamond Jubliee year, my dearest heroines. The courage to refocus your life, so that EVERY DAY is simply full to BURSTING with sunshine, sparkles & crumbs!

[Whatever the haters may say!]

Here's to a life of true love and high adventure, as always, mie principesse!

Will you come and visit me at my new bridal blogging hotspot??

i cock my chin like i was

a storybook. like i was tom sawyer

but a girl

all guts and good looks,

like as if i could get away with anythin just by grinnin.

-Nina Buck

Love, the Sistine Chapel and the San Marco mosaics xxx

Home for the holidays, and I believe I've missed each and every face...

2011-12-24T14:55:00.000-08:00

...Come on and play my music,

Let's turn on the love light in the place,

It's time I found myself

Totally surrounded in your circles

Oh, my friends...

Please, celebrate me home,

Give me a number,

Please, celebrate me home

Play me one more song,

That I'll always remember,

And I can recall

Whenever I find myself too all alone,

I can sing me home...

Well I'm finally here,

But I'm bound to roam,

Come on, celebrate me home,

Please, celebrate me home...

-Kenny Loggins, "Celebrate Me Home"

Merry Christmas to every one of you, darling readers - I'm wishing you a season full of sparkles and crumbs, champagne and stuffed-to-the-brim stockings, and - most of all - love and love and more love.

Saluti!

Love, ribbons and the last door on the Advent calendar xxx

"Alright, if the borders are closed... then we'll drive up into the hills and go over the mountains on foot."

2011-12-21T04:58:00.001-08:00

Buongiorno, my strawberries dipped in sugar!

It's time to share, sweet things: who was your first childhood hero?

I'm still a little bit in love with mine [since 1995]...

CAPTAIN VON TRAPP!

He sings [Edelweiss]! He dances [the Lentler]! He whipsaws his opponents with witty put downs ["You flatter me, Captain." "How clumsy of me - I meant to accuse you."]! He wrestles guns from the hands of treacherous Nazis! He carries small children over the mountains to freedom! He looks sharp in a naval uniform!

BAM!

Christopher Plummer on the real Maria von Trapp:

"She came at me and said: 'Ho ho ho, Christopher, you is so much more handsome than my husband,' so I adored her for that."

That's it - my plans for tonight are postponed. Time to snuggle under the covers with a mug of hot cocoa and Irish cream, and watch The Sound Of Music!

Love, raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens xxx

I advocate glamour. Every day. Every minute.

2011-12-19T07:28:00.000-08:00

Ciao, bellas!!

I've been taking inspiration from a most unexpected source of late. Have you seen the utterly sumptuous movie "A Dangerous Beauty?" You wouldn't believe it to watch it, but it is almost entirely based on the true story of Veronica Franco. A famed poet of sixteenth century Venice who successfully defended herself against the evil Inquisition against charges of witchcraft... and she also happened to be the city's most acclaimed cortigiana onesta: an intellectual courtesan.

There are other incredible characters in the history of courtesans, too; my personal favourite was Harriette Wilson. A spirited, Sparkles & Crumbs heroine of 19th century Britain, as Katie Hickman writes: "Harriette liked her independence, she liked having a good time, and she liked sex; as a courtesan she could have all of these things."

Together with her beloved sister Fanny and best friend Julia, who were known as the 'Three Graces,' they frequently "decided to banish all men for that evening. There were no other guests, and the women passed the time gossiping and exchanging confidences... It is a strikingly modern scene. Unmarried young women together, without a chaperone, with their own house, keeping the company they chose and the hours they chose, with the freedom to speak as openly as they wished on whatever subject they wished. No wonder men found them fascinating. Delightfully unencumbered by most of the prevailing notions of female propriety, they had the liberty to be themselves in ways that were absolutely denied to other women."

Yet, "for all her courtesan's ways, Harriette was a romantic. 'I was made for love,' she wrote, adding, 'Nothing but the whole heart of the man I loved could settle men.'

Isn't that just fabulous? Thrillingly, in her later years, upon finding herself short of funds, she cheerfully blackmailed her former lovers [including the Prince of Wales and four future Prime Ministers], threatening to feature them in her memoirs - still in print today! What gumption and pizzazz!

I think that's what I find so fascinating about these sparkling, self-confident, scandalous women. Their worth lay in their ability to utterly embrace every one of the multi-faceted, perplexing layers of their personality - many of which were held to b e mutually contradictory by society. A woman who wanted independence and true love? An intellectual who loved luxury and decadence? Courtesans like Harriette and Veronica encompassed it all. And I like to think I follow in their footsteps. I daydream of fur coats and cocktails whilst studying for a Masters in Theology... I write Sparkles & Crumbs, and I also anonymously run an online collection of erotica for women... I believe in Narnia, and I believe in "gluttonous decadence!" These heroines of old remind me that it's OK - in fact, it's fabulous! - to embrace life on every level, from the intellectual to the utterly frivolous and superficial!

So let's raise a glass [of the finest champagne, of course] to the courtesans of old:

"For all their follies and extravagance, as personalities they surely rank among the most outstanding women of all time: magnificently, ruinously - but wholly - themselves."

-Katie Hickman

Some Completely Courtesan-esque Sparkles & Crumbs Heroines:-

Who could forget Marilyn Monroe as the scheming, sparkling, gold-digging Lorelai Lee in "Gentlemen Prefer Blondes?" Diamonds are a girl's best friend!

I also have a lot of love for Dita Von Teese...

After all, anyone who frolics in nought but their good will in a giant coupe of champagne...

...wears purple taffeta Vivienne Westwood to their wedding [even if it was to that most un-GP-ish of men... but let us say no more!]...

...devises her own cocktail recipes for Cointreau...

...and wing walks in red Louboutins...

...cannot fail to earn one's esteem.

And she does wear lovely things...!

"When things get you down, make the best of your own life rather than worrying about what everyone else thinks."

-Dita Von Teese

So what would Carolina Cakewise Gelati [as I would fashion myself!] adorn herself with to launch her career as a courtesan...?

I would certainly surround myself with a constant stream of champagne and scrumptious, sugary delicacies...

I would spend most of my day in an obscenely large bubble bath...

And I would only ever wear ballgowns, diamonds, jewels, and the most exquisite lingerie...

"I love it when you can go about your daily business with the knowledge that you have a little secret of your own on underneath."

-Dita Von Teese

“Be daring, be different, be impractical, be anything that will assert integrity of purpose and imaginative vision against the play-it-safers, the creatures of the commonplace, the slaves of the ordinary.”

-Cecil Beaton

Love, fur coats and no knickers xxx

A beautiful sight, we're happy tonight, walking in a winter wonderland

2011-12-10T03:13:00.000-08:00

Lee Pace for Tiffany's... Possibly the most magical Christmas advert I've ever seen!

Love, mistletoe and diamonds xxx

I've been trying to get down to the heart of the matter, but my will gets weak, and my thoughts seem to scatter...

2011-12-04T08:35:00.001-08:00

...But I think it's about forgiveness,

Forgiveness."

-India Arie

Ola, chicas! Happy December!

I cannot describe this feeling of relief . That moment of clarity when I realised all my anger had vanished, gone without a trace; there wasn't even any left behind to let go of, and I could just forgive. It felt so good!

"You might understand the intellectual concept of forgiveness, but you will only learn how to truly forgive when someone has done something that requires you to love them and let it go."

-Jackson Kiddard

The Boy told me the truest thing: "You have to forgive me, or it's not going to work." Let your love be stronger than your resentment, honeybuns. Realise you want to hold onto the person who really matters more than you do your wounded pride or your hurt.

"The only way out of the labyrinth of suffering is to forgive."

-John Green

And staying means you have to forgive.

It's December, darlings! Christmas time again. Time for long walks wrapped up warm against the snow, for snuggling by the bonfire, for hot chocolate and presents under the tree. Time for a fresh start, and to fall in love all over again.

Love, marshmallows and gingerbread house kits xx

Fairy tales don't teach children that dragons exist, children already know that dragons are real...

2011-11-29T06:09:00.000-08:00

...Fairy tales teach children that dragons can be beaten."

-G.K. Chesterton

Oh. My. Greg. Peck. Have you SEEN Once Upon A Time yet? It's my new favourite show of all time. Like Enchanted, only more dramatic...

I also love, love, love Snow White - mischievous, feisty and brave!:-

And how scrumptious is Jamie Dornan as the rugged Irish sheriff?!:-

I think we all want to believe in fairy tales. The Cinderella story. True love, high adventure and happily ever after. That's what I think Prince William and Duchess Kate stand for. Despite the distinctly un-dreams-come-true disappointments of the British Royal Family [the awful Prince Andrew, par example, or the terrible treatment of Wallis Simpson - talk about a fairy tale gone wrong!!], this royal romance reminds us of that magic...

[Although this made me chuckle!]

Most of all, fairy tales - be they real-life or fantastical - let us imagine "a lost kingdom of peace," where magic means that everything turns out alright in the end.

Girls of the dirty morning, ticketed and spent,

you will be less at forty than at twenty.

Your living is a waste product of somebody’s mill.

I would fix you like buds to a city where people work

to make and do things necessary and good,

where work is real as bread and babies and trees in parks

where we would all blossom slowly and ripen to sound fruit.

-Marge Piercy

Love, paper crowns and old books xx

A thing of beauty is a joy forever

2011-11-22T09:03:00.001-08:00

Ciao, bellas!

Miss Cakewise offers you her sincerest apologies for being a bad blogger. I promise, I have a plethora of posts planned to make up for my neglect!

To start off: how magical is Manoush?

I just want to wear them all for walking around Cambridge in the blustery winter winds.

And isn't this just the most perfect dress out of a dream you have ever seen? *Sigh!*

Love, cocktail rings and ruffles xxx

Why didn’t I learn to treat everything like it was the last time? My greatest regret was how much I believed in the future.

2011-11-09T04:48:00.000-08:00

Ola, chicas!

TCS recently published an interview with Nick Baylis that really spoke to me - he seems like a wise man!:-

"Our education system and wider culture more generally is horribly oriented towards self-isolating, long-distance, passive consumerism [TV, i-Phones, computer screens, and pizza], and is the complete antithesis of what would bring healthy life-satisfaction: creating hands-on adventures to share with each other... The former reduces us to thick, lonely slobs, the latter helps us to blossom. The voices selling us ever more technology have lied to us: having more, faster, easier and further away does not make life better. On the contrary: savouring what we already have, going slow and relaxed, investing ourselves whole-heartedly, and keeping life and the world around us as clear, close, hands-on as possible is what helps life to feel better."

"Make it your business to study lives that go well, perhaps by reading the autobiographies of those whose lives you have admired, so you can glimpse how they managed to duck and weave... You might, by these means, better notice how the most inspiring individuals are Renaissance Women and Men who wisely prioritise partnerships and shared adventures with the good hearts around them. You then might wonder how you personally might set about improving the symbiotic harmony between your own physical, artistic, scientific, sexual and social dimensions..."

And I think this is especially helpful to me at the moment:

How can one effectively deal with moments of despair?

"Immediately seek to create something beautiful you can be proud of that expresses your heart: write a poem or song for a friend; bake them a cake; do someone a kindness. Small is not trivial. A wink across a crowded room can life out spirits or win a heart."

I'm afraid I desperately need those little things to keep despair and self-pity at bay at present. Romantic worries... a loss of faith in my studies... and, perhaps, most of all, careers evenings and job rejections that have left me convinced that I am going to be poor and miserable forever!

Muss es sein? I want to move to Rome, live in a garret by Castel Sant'Angelo and write romantic novels. Or grow up to wield a business card like this one:

[I think I'm in love!]

As soon as I stop thinking about what's to come, I stop fretting. I just need a little faith.

"The more you struggle to live, the less you live. Give up the notion that you must be sure of what you are doing. Instead, surrender to what is real within you, for that alone is sure….you are above everything distressing."

-Spinoza

I ♥ this:

"Because I knew what I loved. I loved to read; I loved to listen to music; and I love cats. Those three things. So, even though I was an only kid, I could be happy because I knew what I loved. Those three things haven’t changed from my childhood. I know what I love, still, now. That’s a confidence. If you don’t know what you love, you are lost."

-Haruki Murakami

I've always known what I loved: Books. Fairy tales. Ball gowns. Disney's Beauty And The Beast. Imagining. The colour purple.

Days like this:

Punting on the Cam in the unseasonal October sunshine!...

Dressing up - as my heroine...

...or for Hallowe'en!...

...Sipping champagne with my boys...

...stuffing my face with scones with my beloved camerado...

...quaffing cocktails...

...and [for a brief spell] getting behind a Tiki bar and making them!...

Life is more-than-mostly fabulous, sweets. Maybe I should just let it be.

Sometimes I really believe it, that I am going to
save my life

a little.

-Mary Oliver

"Life has been your art. You have set yourself to music. Your days are your sonnets."

-Oscar Wilde

♥

Love, penguins and "I'm Sorry" iced cookies xxx

We should be careful of each other, we should be kind while there is still time

2011-11-09T03:29:00.000-08:00

Our relationship
seemingly
falling apart,
but our grandmothers
were both seamstresses
for a reason.

-Saul Williams

I still want to be that love that frees us instead of restricting us, sweetheart.

And I'm still trying, but sometimes you make it hurt so much.

Love, bonfires and funfairs xxx

Cock your hat - angles are attitudes

2011-10-30T21:46:00.000-07:00

Bonjour, mon cherie!

Have you seen Midnight in Paris yet? Sacre bleu, c'est incredible! It has everything j'adore: Paris, romance, inexplicable magic, poetry, and - of course - Golden Age thinking!

I sometimes think how can anyone ever come up with a book, or a painting, or a symphony, or a sculpture that can compete with a great city. You can’t because, like, you look around, every street, every boulevard has its own special art form, and when you think that in the cold, violent, meaningless universe Paris exists… and these lights! I mean, come on! There is nothing happening on Jupiter or Neptune, but from way out in space you can see these lights, cafes, people drinking coffee, singing. For all we know, Paris is the hottest spot in the universe.”

-Owen Wilson in Midnight in Paris

Why do people not talk like this anymore?! *Sigh!*:-

"Nostalgia is denial - denial of the painful present. The name for this denial is golden age thinking - the erroneous notion that a different time period is better than the one one is living in. It's a flaw in the romantic imagination of those people who find it difficult to cope with the present."

-Midnight in Paris

Golden age thinking is completely, utterly and unashamedly the basis of my SUPERCALIFRAGILISTICEXPIALIDOCIOUS New Year's Eve plans!

I am SO EXCITED!!!

It all started when my beloved camerado had her heart most cruelly broken - and found herself flying back to England on the afternoon of New Year's Eve with a sudden dearth of romantic plans. "Never fear!" said I. "The spirit of Sparkles & Crumbs means you need never spend a New Year's Eve alone!"

And that was that - I would be throwing a spectacular soiree with all of my favourite people [including some eligible single men as unwitting suitors for a New Year's kiss for the camerado! Just call me Emma Woodhouse...]. Now all we needed was a sufficiently fabulous theme... we thought long and hard... then it hit me:

THE RAT PACK!

The heroes of the Golden Age of pizzazz, character, charm, talent, friendship, style, champagne, swingin' and good times. They crooned to Marilyn Monroe and JFK, heeded the wise words of their Den Mother Lauren Bacall, and left an example of living it up, never backing down, holding on to that swagger through love and loss" [~] - all whilst impeccably well-dressed, of course. What could be a better theme for the spirit of a Sparkles & Crumbs NYE soiree?!

"You only live once, and the way I live, once is enough."

-Frank Sinatra

It's going to be invitation only. Sharp suits [and possibly the odd fedoras] for the gentlemen, glittering evening-wear for the ladies worthy of Judy Garland and the great Ms Monroe. Whiskey sours and sparkling flutes of champagne upon arrival. Old Sammy Davis and Sinatra songs on the speakers getting our guests in the mood, before the cocktails kick in and we dance until dawn. And I need YOUR ideas, too, beloved friends! What canapes worthy of the Rat Pack should I serve? Any particular decorating ideas? Cocktail recipes?

Hopefully, we'll make our heroes and heroines proud!

Of course, the age-old Sparkles & Crumbs dilemma... what in the world to wear? Really, I just want an excuse to break out my be-glittered black ballgown again... but these wonders would certainly be worthy of Lorelai Lee and Dorothy Shaw, too!:-

I just want everyone to feel that, for one night, they are living in their favourite Old Hollywood movie...

An old friend: "It is a wonderful theme, but..."

Me: "But what? Of course it's wonderful! There is no but!"

"But, it's not so much a specific theme for a party. It's more 'how Miss Cakewise wants her entire life to be.'"

And what, pray, is wrong with that?

Frank Sinatra' Letter to the LA Times:

"Dear Friends,

When I saw your Calendar cover today about George Michael, "'he reluctant pop star,' my first reaction was he should thank the good Lord every morning when he wakes up to have all that he has, and that'll make two of us thanking God every morning for all that we have.

I don't understand a guy who lives 'in hopes of reducing the strain of his celebrity status.' Here's a kid who 'wanted to be a pop star since I was about 7 years old.' And now that he's a smash performer and songwriter at 27 he wants to quit doing what tons of gifted youngsters all over the world would shoot grandma for - just one crack at what he's complaining about.

Come on George, Loosen up. Swing, man, Dust off those gossamer wings and fly yourself to the moon of your choice and be grateful to carry the baggage we've all had to carry since those lean nights of sleeping on buses and helping the driver unload the instruments

And no more of that talk about 'the tragedy of fame.' The tragedy of fame is when no one shows up and you're singing to the cleaning lady in some empty joint that hasn't seen a paying customer since Saint Swithin's day. And you're nowhere near that; you're top dog on the top rung of a tall ladder called Stardom, which in latin means thanks-to-the-fans who were there when it was lonely.

Talent must not be wasted. Those who have it - and you obviously do or today's Calendar cover article would have been about Rudy Vallee - those who have talent must hug it, embrace it, nurture it and share it lest it be taken away from you as fast as it was loaned to you.

Trust me. I've been there.

Signed, 'Frank Sinatra'

"I would like to be remembered as a man who had a wonderful time living life, a man who had good friends, fine family - and I don't think I could ask for anything more than that, actually."

-Frank Sinatra

I can't wait to see out 2011 in true Frank Sinatra style.

Love, Catherine wheels and sparklers xxx

Being a sex symbol is a heavy load to carry, especially when one is tired, hurt and bewildered.

2011-10-30T14:57:00.000-07:00

OH MY GREG PECK, OH MY GREG PECK!

This looks AMAZING...

"Yes, I love you,’ I said desperately, "but I love you like I love the wind, or the waves. I wouldn’t know how to love you as a person as I’d want to possess you. But I could never dream of possessing you. You are like a beautiful force of nature, forever out of reach."

"But I don’t want to be out of reach. I want to be touched. I want to be hugged. I want to be loved like an ordinary girl. What’s wrong with that?"

Love, Marilyn and Maf the dog xxx

And out of all these things I've done, I think I love you better now

2011-10-23T23:17:00.000-07:00

Ola, chicas!

Almost three years ago, I wrote about how my fairy tale would go.

Here's how the love story went for real.

Once upon a time...

"When I looked at you, my life made sense. Even the bad things made sense. They were necessary to make you possible."

-Johnathan Safran Froer

My lover asks me:
“What is the difference between me and the sky?”
The difference, my love,
Is that when you laugh,
I forget about the sky.

-Nizar Qabbani

It’s always surprising, this sense
of relief. When you kiss me
unexpectedly, I’m reminded of
the time I left a shoe-box containing
ten or eleven thousand dollars on a
coffee table in a hotel lobby in Northern Italy.
I was between floors in the elevator,
staring at my reflection knowing something
was missing when I remembered what was,
and pushed every button and rolled through
the doors, sprinted hallways in search of the
universal symbol for stairs, barreled
down six flights, and found it
waiting there, untouched,
and haloed by the light
of late-afternoon.

-John K. Samson, 'Everything Will Be Okay'

"Dear Joe,

If I can only succeed in making you happy - I will have succeeded in the biggest and most difficult thing there is - that is to make one person completely happy. Your happiness means my happiness."

-A letter from Marilyn Monroe to her ex-husband, found a week after her death.

But what about when your one person isn't completely happy all the time? What then?

Someone once told me that love
is winning the lottery
but losing the ticket.

-Gregory Sherl

And it's dark in a cold December
But I've got you to keep me warm
If you're broken, I will mend ya
And I'll keep you sheltered from the storm that's raging on

I'm out of touch, I'm out of love
I'll pick you up when you're getting down
And out of all these things I've done
I think I love you better now

I'm out of sight, I'm out of mind
I'll do it all for you in time
And out of all these things I've done
I think I love you better now

-Ed Sheeran

"And I swear I grew like a flower every hour of the fifty years I was with you – and that’s not to say we didn’t have bad days. But when morning came, you were laughing. Yeah, there were times we were both half-in and half out the door but I never needed more than the stars of your grin to lead me home... We are paint on a slick canvas – it’s gonna take a whole lot to stick but if we do, we’ll be a masterpiece. On nights you couldn’t sleep, I’d lay awake for hours counting sheep for you and you would rewrite the rhythm of my heartbeat with the way you held me in the morning, resting your head on my chest and I swear my breath turned silver the day your hair did, like I swore marigolds grew in the folds of my eyelids the first time I saw you and they bloomed the first time I watched you dance to the tune of our kitchen kettle in our living room in a world that could have left us hard as metal, we were soft as nostalgia together. For fifty years, we feathered wings too wide to be prey and we flew through days strong and through days fragile as sand-castles at high tide and you would fold your love into an origami firefly and you’d throw it through my passageways until all my hidden chambers were filled with lanterns, now, every trap door, every pore of my heart is open because of you – because of us.”

-Andrea Gibson

Baby, I have no idea how this will end

Maybe the equator will fall like a hula hoop from the earth’s hips

And our mouths will freeze mid-kiss on our 80th anniversary

Or maybe tomorrow, my absolute insanity

Combined with the absolute obstacle course of your communication skills

Will leave us

Like a love letter

In a landfill

But whatever

Whenever

However this ends...

I want you to know, that right now,

I love you forever

I love you for the hardest mile we walked together

For the night I collected every sharp knife in the house

And threw them one by one on the roof

Then told the sun,

Listen show off,

From now on, you are only to give me blades of grass;

Things that are growing and soft...

Do you know, the night you told me you had a crush on my ears,

I swore to never to become Van Gogh

And look, baby,

They are both still there

Just like my firefly heart is still right there in your glass jar

I never trusted anybody more to poke enough holes in the lid...

You will never lose me to the wind

You are the lightning that made me fill my chest with candles

You are the thunder clapping for the poem that nobody else wants to hear

You are an icicle’s tear watering a tulip on the first day of spring

You melt me alive

You kiss me as deep as my roots will reach

And I want nothing more than to be an eyelash fallen on your cheek

Then being collected by your fingers

And held like a wish

I promise

That whatever I do

I will always try my best

To come true

-Andrea Gibson

Love, unsent letters and Lego blocks xxx

I must be a mermaid. I have no fear of depths and a great fear of shallow living.

2011-10-21T09:04:00.000-07:00

"Far out in the ocean, where the water is as blue as the prettiest cornflower, and as clear as crystal, it is very, very deep; so deep, indeed, that no cable could fathom it: many church steeples, piled one upon another, would not reach from the ground beneath to the surface of the water above... In the deepest spot of all, stands the castle of the Sea King. Its walls are built of coral, and the long, gothic windows are of the clearest amber. The roof is formed of shells, that open and close as the water flows over them. Their appearance is very beautiful, for in each lies a glittering pearl, which would be fit for the diadem of a queen...

The little sea-princesses... were six beautiful children; but the youngest was the prettiest of them all; her skin was as clear and delicate as a rose-leaf, and her eyes as blue as the deepest sea; but, like all the others, she had no feet, and her body ended in a fish’s tail. All day long they played in the great halls of the castle, or among the living flowers that grew out of the walls. The large amber windows were open, and the fish swam in, just as the swallows fly into our houses when we open the windows, excepting that the fishes swam up to the princesses, ate out of their hands, and allowed themselves to be stroked...

...The youngest was a strange child, quiet and thoughtful... she cared for nothing but... a beautiful marble statue. It was the representation of a handsome boy, carved out of pure white stone, which had fallen to the bottom of the sea from a wreck. She planted by the statue a rose-colored weeping willow. It grew splendidly, and very soon hung its fresh branches over the statue, almost down to the blue sands. The shadow had a violet tint, and waved to and fro like the branches; it seemed as if the crown of the tree and the root were at play, and trying to kiss each other. Nothing gave her so much pleasure as to hear about the world above the sea. She made her old grandmother tell her all she knew of the ships and of the towns, the people and the animals. To her it seemed most wonderful and beautiful to hear that the flowers of the land should have fragrance, and not those below the sea; that the trees of the forest should be green; and that the fishes among the trees could sing so sweetly, that it was quite a pleasure to hear them. Her grandmother called the little birds fishes, or she would not have understood her; for she had never seen birds...

Many nights she stood by the open window, looking up through the dark blue water, and watching the fish as they splashed about with their fins and tails. She could see the moon and stars shining faintly; but through the water they looked larger than they do to our eyes. When something like a black cloud passed between her and them, she knew that it was either a whale swimming over her head, or a ship full of human beings, who never imagined that a pretty little mermaid was standing beneath them, holding out her white hands towards the keel of their ship."

-Hans Christian Andersen

I certainly think that there is something of the mermaid in the Sparkles & Crumbs spirit. Wistful, whimsical, a daydreamer prone to solitude... perpetually unsatisfied and always striving for another dream around the bend... a hopeless romantic who would sell her voice for love...

...And at the same time, bursting with curiosity and fun... a sense of adventure... and headstrong independence...

[Definite mermaid dresses!]

Let's get back to the sea soon, my darlings.

Love, sea anemones and sea shells xxx

She refused to be bored, chiefly because she wasn't boring

2011-10-16T04:51:00.001-07:00

Isn't this amazing?:-

"In Washington DC , at a Metro Station, on a cold January morning in 2007, a man with a violin played six Bach pieces for about 45 minutes. During that time, approximately 2000 people went through the station, most of them on their way to work.

After about four minutes, a middle-aged man noticed that there was a musician playing. He slowed his pace and stopped for a few seconds, and then he hurried on to meet his schedule.

About four minutes later, the violinist received his first dollar. A woman threw money in the hat and, without stopping, continued to walk.

At six minutes, a young man leaned against the wall to listen to him, then looked at his watch and started to walk again.

At ten minutes, a three-year old boy stopped, but his mother tugged him along hurriedly. The kid stopped to look at the violinist again, but the mother pushed hard and the child continued to walk, turning his head the whole time. This action was repeated by several other children, but every parent - without exception - forced their children to move on quickly.

At forty-five minutes: The musician played continuously. Only six people stopped and listened for a short while. About twenty gave money but continued to walk at their normal pace. The man collected a total of $32.

After one hour:

He finished playing and silence took over. No one noticed and no one applauded. There was no recognition at all.

No one knew this, but the violinist was Joshua Bell, one of the greatest musicians in the world. He played one of the most intricate pieces ever written, with a violin worth $3.5 million dollars. Two days before, Joshua Bell sold-out a theater in Boston where the seats averaged $100 each to sit and listen to him play the same music.

This is a true story. Joshua Bell, playing incognito in the D.C. Metro Station, was organized by the Washington Post as part of a social experiment about perception, taste and people’s priorities.

This experiment raised several questions:

In a common-place environment, at an inappropriate hour, do we perceive beauty?

If so, do we stop to appreciate it?

Do we recognize talent in an unexpected context?

One possible conclusion reached from this experiment could be this:

If we do not have a moment to stop and listen to one of the best musicians in the world, playing some of the finest music ever written, with one of the most beautiful instruments ever made…

How many other things are we missing as we rush through life?"

Food for thought, non?

Magic, beauty and cheer are everywhere, in the littlest of things and the most fleeting of moments. A young dad and his toddler daughter on the top deck of the bus, singing 'The Wheels On The Bus Go Round and Round' together. Three little girls selling home-made lemonade on the corner of my street. A cup of hot cocoa and a new magazine in the sunshine. Heck, sunshine. Let us never again walk out unthinkingly into a clear-skied day without breathing in the blue!

"Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things."

-Robert Brault

Love, neon lace underwear and teacup pigs xxx

The first day it feels like fall, I want to tell you my secrets recklessly...

2011-10-09T08:24:00.001-07:00

...until there is nothing

you don’t know that would make

your heart change years from now.

-Stacie Cassarino

England's golden Indian summer is over, sweets, and I am back in my beloved Cambridge for another year. It's been a whirlwind of a week: I've swum in the icy cold Cam in the late September sunshine, strolled to the Orchards for scones, survived a wasp invasion unscathed... and been blind-sided by self-doubt, uncertainty and inadequacy.

Was I right to return? Will I measure up the demands of an MPhil? What have I really done with my life to be proud of?

An agitation of the air,

A perturbation of the light

Admonished me the unloved year

Would turn on its hinge that night.

I stood in the disenchanted field

Amid the stubble and the stones,

Amazed, while a small worm lisped to me

The song of my marrow-bones.

Blue poured into summer blue,

A hawk broke from his cloudless tower,

The roof of the silo blazed, and I knew

That part of my life was over.

-Stanley Kunitz

When such mean reds strike, what can one do but dress up like a dream, rally the troops, and take everyone you adore out for cocktails at a piano bar?

Coconut daiquiris, old Sinatra songs, and the kindliest company are the best cure for the blues.

So I'm throwing my arms open to you, October. It's a shame I cannot do so dressed head to toe in Mulberry...

...but I'll do my best!

Me too, Katharine Hepburn. But I'll be alright. Jimmy Stewart will lasso me the moon.

"And I am walking out into all of this with nowhere to go and no task undertaken but to turn the pages of this beautiful world over and over, in the world of my mind.

Therefore, dark past,

I'm about to do it.

I'm about to forgive you

for everything."

-Mary Oliver

Here's to the new school year, cherubs. To fresh starts, new leafs, and clean notebooks ready to be filled with the next chapter.

Love, Lola Lo and falling leaves xxx

Let me tell you about longing...

2011-10-06T06:02:00.000-07:00

...Let me presume that I have something

new to say about it, that this room,

naked, its walls pining for clocks,

has something new to say

about absence. Somewhere

the crunch of an apple, fading

sunflowers on a quilt, a window

looking out to a landscape

with a single tree. And you

sitting under it. Let go,

said you to me in a dream,

but by the time the wind

carried your voice to me,

I was already walking through

the yawning door, towards

the small, necessary sadnesses

of waking. I wish

I could hold you now,

but that is a line that has

no place in a poem, like the swollen

sheen of the moon tonight,

or the word absence, or you,

or longing. Let me tell you about

longing. In a distant country

two lovers are on a bench, and pigeons,

unafraid, are perching beside them.

She places a hand on his knee

and says, say to me

the truest thing you can.

I am closing my eyes now.

You are far away.

-Mikael de Lara, 'On The Necessity of Sadness'

My eyes opened.
I gained the whole world
and lost you.

-Billy Ramsell, 'Waking from the dream she visited'

Love, pink champagne and papyrus xxx

At any given moment you have the power to say: this is NOT how the story is going to end

2011-10-02T14:28:00.001-07:00

A Love Letter For My Camerado

Hello, beautiful girl.

I know you've been feeling broken in pieces. But breaks heal. All of your tears will turn into laughter and kisses, your grey days into blue skies. Every day it will get better. Oh, you don't know yet how happy your days to come are going to be!

This wound to your spirit isn't mortal, my loveliest one - a disappointment and a hurt, however bitter, can never destroy your dazzle.

And the self-doubt and the uncertainty - they will pass with the clouds, my darling. You'll feel the sun shining on your face, and when the night sky clears you'll navigate by the light of the North Star to find your way.

"For she had embodied the Great Perhaps - she had proved to me that it was worth it to leave behind my minor life for grander maybes."

-John Green

I believe in you like I believe in Gregory Peck. You are my good thing in the world, my reminder that people can be kind-hearted and magical and better. You are the bravest girl I know, and the beautiful things and people that you deserve in your life are coming your way. I believe that with all of my heart. But you must believe it too.

"Do me a favour… Stand up, walk to wherever the nearest window is, and just look outside. You may not know this, but there’s an entire planet's-worth of summers, friends, sunsets, street lamps, songs, late nights, great films, and night skies waiting for you. Your life is as amazing as you want it to be, but first, you have to let it be that way."

-Chad Sugg

Your confidence may be shaken, but through all our trials and tribulations, we have never lost our faith that there are always kindred spirits in mischief, merriment and morals in the world. Don't lose it now! Keep the faith: by being your bellissimo self, you shall find them.

Just be you, kind and putting people at their ease - think of Fred Astaire [never did I think I'd ever say that!]...

"One night I noticed a big commotion and I looked at the door and there was this gorgeous blonde in a white satin, slinky gown and I knew who it was, it was Marilyn Monroe. And all conversation stopped and she, with her marvelous walk, walked over to the Mendles and said, 'Hello,' and the conversation began again.

And I remember I was in a corner with Fred Astaire, Clark Gable and Reginald Gardner talking about Walt Whitman. And Marilyn happened to overhear the name 'Whitman' so she slunk over to the three gentlemen standing there, and I was just standing there to one side, and she said, 'Oh! Whitman! I just love his chocolates!'

Well, all conversation stopped in the room. And Fred, who is such a darling and such a gentleman, didn’t laugh. He said, 'Oh, Marilyn, we all do.'

And I thought that was so brilliant of him and so nice of him to say that to Marilyn who never knew that she made a gaffe. At all."

-Arlene Dahl

Turn on the Sparkles & Crumbs charm and take them out on the town for those infamous Evil Eye cocktails, and you'll be as beloved as Josephine and Daphne on the night train to Florida...

And let's not forget, my loved one - you've got a friend in me, for always.

"Neither evil tongues,
Rash judgments, nor the sneers of selfish men,
Nor greetings where no kindness is, nor all
The dreary intercourse of daily life,
Shall e'er prevail against us, or disturb
Our cheerful faith, that all which we behold
Is full of blessings."

-William Wordsworth

Let us never forget:

I love you, with extra hundreds and thousands xxx

Once I only believed in beginnings

2011-09-29T15:44:00.001-07:00

Once upon a time, my love, we believed in fairy-tales. Knights in shining armour on white chargers... dancing and singing in the rain with Gene Kelly in our own musical... a hot air balloon ride off into the sunset [with champagne, of course]. Happily ever after.

And we still believe in those fairy-tales, darling. But we know, now, they are not always so simple.

"Honey, I told you

That these things never last,

And one of these days now

You'll start dreaming of the past

When life was once too short for all the things we'd do and the shots we'd call,

An endless summer without a fall,

When promises were meant to keep,

And nighttime wasn't meant for sleep,

A love story at its peak..."

-So heartbreakingly beautiful

Sometimes, our love story ends too soon, and not as happily as we hoped.

[Marilyn Monroe and Arthur Miller announcing their engagement to the press]

[Marilyn Monroe and Arthur Miller's wedding]

Marilyn Monroe: "I guess I have always been deeply terrified to be someone's wife, since I know from life one cannot love another, ever, really."

[Marilyn and Miller towards the end of their marriage]

Listen. It’s morning. Soon I’ll see your hand reach

for my watch, the water will aggitate in the kettle,

but listen. Traffic. I want your dreams first. And

to slide my leg beneath yours before the day opens.

Wait. We slept late. You’ll be moody, the phone

will ring, someone wanting something. Let me put

my hands in your hair. Who I was last night I would

be again. This is how the future holds me, how depression

wakes with us; my body shelters it. Let me

put my head on your breast. I know nothing lasts.

I would try to hold you back, not out of meanness

but fear. Oh my practical, my worldly-wise. You

know how the body falters, falls in on itself. Tell me

that we will never want from each other what we

cannot have. Lie. It’s morning.

-Robin Becker

But must it always be so, darling?

How do we keep on loving each other, long after the carriage/hot air balloon/magic carpet etc. has carried us beyond the sunset? How do we keep it all from falling apart?

Humbly, simply, one day at a time, I promise I will keep loving you the way I love a sunset:

"People are just as wonderful as sunsets if I can let them be. When I look at a sunset, I don’t find myself saying, 'Soften the orange a bit on the right hand corner.' I don’t try to control a sunset. I watch with awe as it unfolds."

-Carl Rogers

"We had hoped vaguely to fall in love but hadn’t worried much about it, because we’d thought we had all the time in the world. Love had seemed so final, and so dull — love was what ruined our parents. Love had delivered them to a life of mortgage payments and household repairs; to unglamorous jobs and the fluorescent aisles of a supermarket at two in the afternoon. We’d hoped for a love of a different kind, love that knew and forgave our human frailty but did not miniaturize our grander ideas of ourselves. It sounded possible. If we didn’t rush or grab, if we didn’t panic, a love both challenging and nurturing might appear. If the person was imaginable, then the person could exist."

-Michael Cunningham

"Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being “in love” which any of us can convince ourselves we are.

Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossom had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two.”

"Obviously, I’ve gotten a little grayer since I took this job but otherwise, I feel pretty good. And Michelle, you know, says that, you know, she — she — she still thinks I’m, I’m cute, you know. And I guess that’s — that’s all that matters, isn’t it?”

-Barack Obama

Let us never give up our faith that it can still be that simple. And that we can still have our ever after [even if it is sometimes frustrating, hilarious and bewildering as well as happy!]...

I will love you in each moment - the way Ethan Hawke loves Juliet Delpy in Before Sunset - because that is all we can do.

[Perfection.]

"whenever she was sad, he would say, “go gently”

whenever he was sad, she would say, “i love you when you’re here and i miss you when you’re gone”

and each invariably made the other feel that nothing had ever changed, and nothing ever would."

-Unknown

Love, camellias and lilac skies xxx

The best heroines, she'd always believed, took their fate into their own hands

2011-09-28T17:08:00.001-07:00

Buona sera, my pulchritudinous paramours!

I think I'm in love. You know those women who are so utterly stunning, stylish and spell-binding that you can't help but develop a girl-crush? I've been hit hard by my two latest Sparkles & Crumbs lady loves...

#1: Emma Stone

Love, love, loved her in Easy A - her dry sense of humour, the delightful timbre of her voice, and, of course, those Julie Cooper-esque cat eyes!

#2: Mila Kunis

I sincerely believe that she is the most alluring woman in the world. I was smitten by her turn as a Hawaiian temptress in Forgetting Sarah Marshall, and she still has her adorable, slightly screwball charm in Friends with Benefits. I don't know whether it's her whole-hearted laugh or her big Bambi eyes, I just want to be her...!

She even dresses like an other-worldly-beautiful princess...

[And hey, doesn't this ensemble remind you ever so much of my ultimate fairy-tale May Ball gown?? The girl has taste!!]

What can I say? They both ooze allure without buying into a fake-bosomed, fake-tanned aesthetic... they're both full of animation and a sharp, oddball sense of fun... they both have an incredible sense of style...

...I love that they seem to be friends! Can I be in their gang, please?

Love, leather jackets and Indian summers xxx

Though we travel the world over to find the beautiful, we must carry it with us or we find it not.

2011-09-26T16:38:00.000-07:00

-Tina Fey

Hey there, chicas!

Have you seen the movie Tamara Drewe? [You really shouldn't - it's just awful!] In it, Gemma Arterton plays the eponymous anti-heroine, who returns to the village where she grew up, transformed from an ugly duckling into a temptress capable of seducing all and sundry, thanks to a successful nose job.

Gemma Arterton on her prosthetic nose:
"It was weird because everybody was going, “Oh, my god, you look awful!” ...I did test it out around the set, before anyone had seen it, to see people’s reactions to me and it was funny. One particular actor ignored me when I said, “Good morning.” He regarded me with disdain and walked off. I thought, “Oh, dear. Well, that’s kind of interesting.” ...It was informative because I was treated very differently."

Now, here's a secret, my friends: as I was watching the flashback scenes of Ms Arterton wearing her horrendously exaggerated hooter, all I kept thinking was: "That's me."

You see, everyone on my dear papa's side of the family have a full-on, prominent Roman nose - and it's something I've been self-conscious about ever since my classmates and I had to draw each other in profile when I was 6. To this day, I remain uncomfortably aware that it is far from the neat little nose shape of my friends, film stars, and the overwhelming majority of women who are considered conventionally attractive; and I still can't stand to see photographs of me taken side-on.

But you know what? Women see, on average, over 400 messages every day telling them how they should look. Have you seen the episode of Glee, where the similarly-Roman-nosed Rachel Berry feels under tremendous pressure to have a nose job? It struck such a chord with me - the ease of availability and apparent prevalence of cosmetic surgery these days [just flip through the adverts at the back of any monthly women's magazine!] seems to beg the question of every woman from the age of 14: if you're not happy about part of your body, why not change it?

But to me, this challenge hides the most important questions: why are some of us so unhappy about our features? And who, exactly, are we changing them for? This intriguing study of young women undergoing labioplasty in order to closely resemble porn stars answers those questions for me. I think that, as women, we are made to feel unhappy about aspects of our bodies because they don't fit into the 'norm' of beauty that is used to sell clothes, cosmetics and movies; and it is so not Sparkles & Crumbs to snip oneself up to fit into someone else's mold!

I am not, for even a moment, suggesting that access to surgical procedures should be taken from those who desperately want or need it - to each their own, hey? It just seems that a little bit of love and acceptance goes a long way to easing that ache to snip and reshape your body... so here it is...

THE SPARKLES & CRUMBS GUIDE TO LOVING YOUR BODY, BAMBINA!

1. Sunbathe naked

"What a difference there is between wearing even the skimpiest bathing-suit and wearing nothing! After a few minutes I seemed to live in every inch of my body as fully as I usually do in my head and my hands and my heart. I had the fascinating feeling that I could think as easily with my limbs as with my brain... The warmth of the sun felt like enormous hands pressing gently on me, the flutter of the air was like delicate fingers... It was thrilling."

-Dodie Smith, 'I Capture The Castle'

Extra enjoyment? Go for a good skinny-dip! [Preferably in a warm ocean, in the evening, at sunset!] Relish the feel of the waves lapping against your skin, the sun on your shoulders, and feel the exuberance and contentment flooding every bit of your body, outside and in.

2. Find yourself in art

I just adore this tip:

"Standards of beauty change with time and place. When we are constantly exposed to just one standard of beauty, especially a standard which is becoming more homogenized every day, it is easy to forget that, in another time and place, today’s supermodels would be considered unexceptional.

One way to see the beauty standards of the past is through art. So jump in your way-back machine and visit the time and place where you would be a goddess."

Self-conscious about a dimpled derrière or flabby thighs? To Rubens, you are Venus, goddess of love...

...a far-from-washboard tummy marks you as Titian's Aphrodite...

Nervous about narrow hips or a bee-sting bosom? In the Middle Ages, you'd have been Cranach's model for his paintings of Venus...

3. Have sex!

Being touched is like nectar of the gods for our physical, psychological and emotional self. Fact! And Tiggering the day away [caveat: with someone yo

u deeply trust and feel at ease with, who worships every single inch of your body - get the Sparkles & Crumbs official position on sexual relations right here, folks!!] not only works miracles on your self-esteem and body image, it improves your posture, relieves pain, lowers blood pressure and stress, decreases your risk of depression, cancer and heart attacks, and boosts life expectancy by up to 8 years! Get busy!

4. Move Your Body

When I first met The Boy, he enthusiastically asked me if I played any sports. "Eating's my sport!" I snorted. "And, occasionally, walking for hot chocolate." For me, physical activity provokes painful memories of being smacked on the shins by hockey sticks on a muddy field - so I'm with you if competitive team sports are just not your thing. I mean, can you imagine Lauren Bacall in lycra? Perish the thought!!

Nonetheless, it's a no-brainer that getting your heart going is great for your health - and various studies have shown that it's just as beneficial for your body image, regardless of your fitness level [phew!]. It makes sense that shakin' that ass instead of slumping it on the couch all day will make you feel more positive about your body, and moving it around will make you appreciate how miraculous it is. My solution? Blast out your ultimate party playlist [fail-safes: #1, #2, #3!] for twenty minutes and have your own private dance party. Go crazy! No one's watching!! Breaking a sweat is also much more fun when you sex it up a little - learn Carmen Electra's striptease routine, or try out your local pole dancing class [preferably with a friend with a good sense of humour, so you can crack each other up!].

5. Pamper, pamper, pamper

Wallow in a luxurious bubble bath. Find a scrumptious-smelling body scrub to keep your skin soft and smooth. Give yourself foot massages. Keep your fingers and toes beautifully manicured, even if you just do it yourself at home. Treat your body with the respect and reverence it deserves.

6. Remember IT'S NOT REAL

Mate - Grazia airbrushed Kate Middleton to make her waist look thinner. No joke. Chances are, almost every image of women you see in magazines has been airbrushed, altered and touched up. Even the women the images are of can't live up to them in actual real life! Let us never forget!

6. Don't stay in the shallows

Your body is amazing. Your face is beautiful. But if the entirety of your self-worth is all tangled up in how you look, you're going to be a pretty dull person. Feed your mind with good books, beautiful art, new languages, scientific discoveries and the philosophy of fashion... travel the world, learn to bake, write a novel, set up a business with your best friend. Become the dazzling heroine of the fairy tale of your life, and write the plot twists yourself. A happy, fulfilled person, without fail, feels confident and comfortable in her own skin.

"Dismiss whatever insults your own soul, and your very flesh shall be a great poem and have the richest fluency not only in its words but in the silent lines of its lips and face and between the lashes of your eyes and in every motion and joint of your body."

-Walt Whitman

Some extra Crumbs and Tidbits:

Gala Darling on How To Practice Major Mega Supreme Body Love Daily.

Medicinal Marzipan is amazing - check out her Best Of advice on learning to love your body regardless of your size.

JK Rowling writes about being thin. Amazing:

"It's about what girls want to be, what they're told they should be, and how they feel about who they are. I've got two daughters who will have to make their way in this skinny-obsessed world, and it worries me, because I don't want them to be empty-headed, self-obsessed, emaciated clones; I'd rather they were independent, interesting, idealistic, kind, opinionated, original, funny – a thousand things, before 'thin'... Let my girls be Hermiones, rather than Pansy Parkinsons."

As for me? I'm trying, sweet things. And I'm taking my inspiration from Cleopatra - as Pascal wrote, her "nose, had it been shorter, the whole face of the world would have been changed." "Ironically, what he means is that, had her nose been smaller, she would have lacked the dominance and strength of character which, in the physiognomy of the seventeenth century (or, indeed, the nineteenth century), a large nose symbolized. It is a salutary reminder that the aesthetics of beauty change over time and place."

...And, of course, that inimitable heroine - that strong, distinctive superstar of the movie screen, Barba Streisand:

"What is it, do you think, that makes your voice so special?"

Barba Streisand: "My deviated septum. If I ever had my nose fixed, it would ruin my career."

"Did you ever consider having it fixed?"

Streisand: "When I was young, everyone would say, 'You gonna have your nose done?' It was like a fad, all the Jewish girls having their noses done every week at Erasmus Hall High School, taking perfectly good noses and whittling them down to nothing. The first thing someone would have done would be to cut my bump off. But I love my bump, I wouldn't cut my bump off..."

"I do have a strange face. It changes so much from angle to angle. Sometimes I think I really did look quite beautiful, and a lot of times I thought I looked really bad. It's a shame. But on the other hand, I'm not going to cry over it. I'm trying to be in the moment, and I'm enjoying my life."

~

Love, chocolate animals and Westley xxx

Kicking through the autumn leaves, and wondering where it is you might be going to

2011-09-21T09:59:00.000-07:00

Summer is late, my heart.

Words plucked out of the air

some forty years ago

when I was wild with love

and torn almost in two

scatter like leaves this night

of whistling wind and rain.

It is my heart that's late,

it is my song that's flown.

Outdoors all afternoon

Under a gunmetal sky

staking my garden down,

I kneeled to the crickets trilling

underfoot as if about

to burst from their crusty shells:

and like a child again

marvelled to hear so clear

and brave a music pour

from such a small machine.

What makes the engine go?

Desire, desire, desire.

The longing for the dance

stirs in the buried life.

One season only,

and it's done.

So let the battered old willow

thrash against the windowpanes

and the house timbers creak.

Darling, do you remember

the man you married? Touch me,

remind me who I am.

-Stanley Kunitz

The seasons are turning, and I can feel the shifting and the chill setting in somewhere deep inside my bones. Now seems as good a time as any to curl up and hibernate. To make yourself thick hot chocolate with Irish cream, to watch Mila Kunis movies, to read your books. To try to start setting your head straight. To get certain things - be it the lost loves or the hurt or the chemicals - slowly, slowly out of your system. To begin to feel better.

I guess I never knew
What she was talking about
I guess I never knew
That she was living without

People speak of love, don't know what they're thinking of
Wait around for the one who fits just like a glove
Speak in terms of the life and the living
Try to find the word for forgiving
People speak of love...

You keep it up
You try so hard
To keep a life from coming apart
And never know
The shallows and the unseen reefs
That are there from the start
In the shape of a heart...

-Jackson Browne

It’s autumn again,

and I can do anything.

-Dorothea Grossman

Love, doughnuts and Julie Cooper xxx

May you be in love every day for the next 20,000 days. And out of that love, remake a world.

2011-09-21T04:55:00.000-07:00

"See the magic in everything. Sometimes it seems to be hiding but it is always there. The more we can see the magic in one thing, a tiny flower, a mango, someone we love, then the more we are able to see the magic in everything and in everyone. Where does the mango stop and the sky begin?"

-Joshua Kadison

"I want a life that sizzles and pops and makes me laugh out loud. And I don’t want to get to the end, or to tomorrow, even, and realize that my life is a collection of meetings and pop cans and errands and receipts and dirty dishes. I want to eat cold tangerines, and sing out loud in the car with the windows open, and wear pink shoes, and stay up all night laughing, and paint my walls the exact color of the sky right now. I want to sleep hard on clean white sheets, and throw parties, and eat ripe tomatoes, and read books so good they make me jump up and down.”

-Shauna Niequist

"To play safe, I prefer to accept only one type of power: the power of art over trash, the triumph of magic over the brute."

-Vladimir Nabokov

Love, sequins and stargazing xxx

Arrivederci Roma, goodbye, goodbye, to Rome

2011-09-11T06:53:00.000-07:00

Buongiorno, belle! It has been far too long since I've written to you all!

The main reason? I only just returned from a whirlwind Roman Holiday with The Boy! And it was wonderful...

We stayed in a pink-walled old palazzo called Hotel Panda, in a picturesque little side-street just off the Spanish Steps...

We had lazy lie-ins, then walked all around the city in the scrumptiously warm sunshine, taking in the most spectacular sights: the Pantheon...

...Piazza Navona...

...The Forum...

...Il Colosseo!...

...The Trevi Fountain...

...St Peter's Basilica in Vatican City...

...and we walked to the top of the Aventine and peered through the secret keyhole of the headquarters of the Knights of Malta...

...We even took a daytrip to the seaside at Ostia!

And, of course, we revisited my favourite place in all of Rome - the boating lake in the heart of the Villa Borghese [complete with turtles]!

In short, the Eternal City was as stunning as ever. But, as with any good holiday, the best bits were little discoveries we made and took the time to stop, linger with and enjoy! We found an incredible rooftop bar in the corner of Piazza della Rotunda, with incredible views over the twinkling lights of Rome, complete with champagne cocktails and a pianist playing Frank Sinatra. I was delighted to find that my beloved Della Palma ice cream parlour [over 150 flavours!] was still standing and serving gelato that is as succulent as I remember...

...and that Dior still displays my dream rings! *Sigh*...

There's also simply nothing nicer than wandering around on a warm September day or a balmy evening, stopping at whatever little bar or cafe takes your fancy and lingering over a glass of prosecco, a strawberry-and-cream cocktail, a slice of pizza, or the perfect mug of hot cioccolato...

[By the way, what do you think of my splendiferous new sunglasses? I adore them! I call them my Happy Hour sunglasses, as they are rose-tinted, completely over the top, and never fail to cheer me up - I intend to don them whenever indulging in a delicious drink...!

]

But, without doubt, our favourite find this time around was the bustly little market-stalls by the Castel Sant' Angelo. I scored some utterly gorgeous rings from a jeweller with a scattering of faux rubies and emeralds so convincing they wouldn't look out of place in Tiffany's [I shall give them their first outing on Saturday!], and best of all was a lovely man selling bottles of his own delicious sparkling whine for a few Euroes each! Of course, we snapped up some plastic cups and popped the cork on a bridge overlooking the Tiber to toast our trip...

I realised once again how much I love, love, love the beautiful, bewildering city of Roma. One moment, you're harassed from all sides on a busy street, surrounded by carabinieri and hawkers trying to sell you roses... the next, you step through the door of a faded old church out of curiosity, and are immersed into a stunning interior of gold leaf and incredibly illustrated murals on the domed ceilings, and an overwhelming atmosphere of peace, quiet and reverence. It is a city of contradictions - of artistic genius and street artists, of ancient ruins and cutting-edge fashion, full of rush and relaxation, bursting at the seams with sociability and at the same time seeped in a deep spirituality.

The visit has made me determined to spend a summer living and working in the city after I graduate from my MPhil. What an adventure that would be!

And, of course, I made my pilgrimage to...

...and touched the spot where Gregory Peck pretended his hand had been bitten off and scared Audrey Hepburn senseless in that most beloved movie, and I silently made my little wish that I always make to Mr Peck [because I believe in him more than anything else]: for true love and high adventure. Long may it last for us all, my sugar plums!

Love, stone lions and sunglasses,

xxx

Those who do not believe in magic will never find it

2011-08-31T08:32:00.000-07:00

-Shel Silverstein

Words to live by, ci?

Love, prom dresses and leprechaun gold xxx